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They must consider us all fools… they probably aren’t too far off target.

 In November we replaced immoral pigs with righteous lunatics (or vice versa), and to think that many of us were fearing never ending wars or a revoking of rights that Americans take for granted anyway. In case you missed it, the first-ever woman speaker has seen it fit to appoint William Jefferson to a Homeland Security panel. William Jefferson is a perfect candidate for such a position, if he weren’t under investigation for accepting bribes! Two of his aids have pleaded GUILTY to bribing him and yet the investigation has still proven inconclusive. The 90 grand in his freezer and the two men who have already been sentenced due to their own admittance probably won’t be evidence enough to lock away the man. Sickening, don’t you think? Looking at these politicians who claim some noble air, going through the motions of kissing babies, and all along poisoning the foundations of our civilization.

“Prepare, prepare the iron helm of war,
Bring forth the lots, cast in the spacious orb;
Th’ Angel of Fate turns them with mighty hands,
And casts them out upon the darken’d earth!
Prepare, prepare!”
-William Blake

So the war is taxing my mind more so than before. It’s tiresome, exhausting really, to be in this mess, to deal with the events of each day.

While listening to “Las Cruces Jail” by The Two Gallants, I have distinct illusions of the scents of California in the summer. My wife and I drove many miles last summer while listening to that album. I miss the freedom of the road, or the conversation with my wife.

I was reading an article the other day regarding the effect of multitasking on the brain. Neurologists say they see a trend. The fractured timeline of completing tasks, the starting and stopping, creates a fractured perception of reality as a whole. In fact multitasking has a profound and measured effect on the actual wiring of the brain changing the higher brain functions from a stream-lined machine to a more primitive swing of things, very much as monkeys leaping from branch to branch. Curious hmm?

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“What slogan for futurist architects or epic hymn for masses of Communist Party Card holders in Futirity / on the conduct of the world seeking beauty against Government?”
-Allen Ginsberg

The 109th is dead and gone, the gavel is at rest. What does this mean to you, dear reader? Well you are reading this, and I have written it. 109th wouldn’t like such things to discussed, especially not without a cost. You see its more than just a mere congress that has ended, but the death of a fascist controlled legislative branch. For the first time in more than a decade we can work again towards a respectable future, a great society (Great Society?).
See here for a great explanation on what the internet could have become.
Anyway, now that a more favorable and forward thinking Congress is on the horizon, we can devote more energy to the great things in life and making things better, rather than fearing the possibility of complete corporate neo-con slavery.

Although expecting any dramatic change with the new elected officials is just foolish, hoping for progress within our society is not entirely fool-hardy as it once was.

I tried to think about some of the best moment of my military career. What with the traveling and the… stuff that I did. Some of the great thigns I saw were:
Wolmi Do and the Incheon landing where General MacArthur took back Korean, and then promptly lost it again.
The Baghdad sky during the second year of the war. The starry night and bright moon, the air filled with that Iraqi scent… it was nice.
Going to a concert with my High School teacher friend in Korea. He taught at an all girl school and when I walked in front of the amphitheatre like seating there was the loudest and craziest cheers and such… you know that high pitched asian uniformed school girl howl… I almost passed out (mostly from the odd folk wine I had just imbibed, dongdong-ju). For reference, I do believe that dongdongju posseses hallucinatory abilities…
There was a range at Fort Knox that was the most beautiful meadow fridging the wilderness, I wrote a long long poem there, one of my best I think, and promptly lost it.

That’s it, I think. My memory leaves much to be desired, most of my past is completely lost to me. It’s a habit I acquired years ago… and I am trying very hard to break myself of it.

I wrote this a while back, thought I’d paste it here.. mostly cause I have nothing else to say right now.          

  “Home again, home again,” our chalk commander says right through his ear to ear grin to the troops sitting around.
            “Jiggity jig” doesn’t come out so merrily.
            The landing at Sadith Airbase, also known as Baghdad International Airport, formerly known as Saddam Hussein International, is routine for a military-class ticket. The hold of this ancient C-130 is hot, hotter than the Kuwaiti desert from a few hours earlier. Watching the young air force officer fumble with the early model controls for the hatch and lighting is the kind of humour you find around here. It’s best to face these times with a smile, and an eye for a joke. After the forklifts come to lance our palletized baggage we are eventually allowed to deplane.
            The air is so beautifully familiar here on the airfield at night. Whatever the species of tree it is that lines the roads of the airport seems to inject the air with this nostalgic perfume. Nostalgic on so many levels, my mother on occasion would have a similar scent, my favourite restaurants too. It’s a jasmine, sandal wood, eucalyptus scent – something inside me has loved this scent for thousands of years, and I can’t stop smiling as the memories flood back from the previous deployment. The old daily grind, the laughs I shared with friends and the arguments I had with superiors. So much changes when your life revolves around such a small part of a huge machine. There are so few worries when all you have to do to get through the day is stay alive.
            However, in the present, we, the lower enlisted; load up the baggage from the palette and into a truck. We then are ordered to file onto the bus that will bring us to our new camp, our new home. The tents were in much better condition than we had original expected, which was a pleasant surprise.
            Two weeks pass and our lifestyle is still in turmoil, a constant change. We are still living in a tent, still not settled down at work. We amuse ourselves with the daily “Stars and Stripes” and puzzles inside (I guess they are called “articles”). Our music players keep us sane while the four meals a day force us to be content.
            I dream of my wife everyday, every single time I fall asleep. The simple kind of dreams befitting a soldier, of lust and base security related emotions. On occasion I dream she is a rock star, royalty, or a celebrity. She fills my mind with fun thoughts regardless. Curiously, it’s easy to spot the people around you who are missing their loves ones too. They stare off and smirk occasionally. Memories are funny like that.
            Everyday I remind myself that this is it. This is my last year in the army. I should be out before spring semester 2008. I’ll be living a life on the terms I have chosen, with my wife. Oh the promise of freedom is exhilarating, and frightening.

or “What Iraq Needs”
or “The Wiivolution”

Corporate sponsors. Kraft, Nike, Reebok, Microsoft, Apple, LG, Sony… Iraqi’s need greed! Some wealth to fight for. Seriously, would America’s founding fathers have done a damn thing if their personal profits weren’t at stake? Hell no! Sure Corporate sponsor’s would have to base their ventures here entirely on money’s that don’t exist… yet.

But it wouldn’t be the first time huge investments were made on assumptions of eventual profits. To boot, groups of Privately owned, corporately backed security organizations would not only be better funded than any Iraqi military or police force, but the personnel involved would have the proper motivation to defend their stake… what with a decent pay check and maybe even health care. Hell, why not push the envelope: bring back company stores and company schools, if only for a little while. A corporate democracy is far more stable than a fascist theocracy *cough Iran cough*. I actually have never been to, nor met anyone from Iran thus I have no basis for an accurate opinion aside from the media’s coverage of their policies. (Please remember however that the Iranian president did claim that the Holocaust never happened.)

Continue Reading »

“Speech will spill on space,
Our little cups of grace.”
-”Watermark” by The Weakerthans

Getting the laundry done here is the best. It’s contracted out to a British company, working for Halliburton’s KBR. Anyway, the staff is primarily Phillipino contractor’s who get paid a ridiculously small amount of money to work here. The process is simple really. Bring your dirty laundry to the drop off point, inventory it and turn it in. 72 hours later pick it up. Don’t expect to get anything back, especially if it was in your pockets or on your uniform. So yeah, it is sort of nice and luxurious having someone else taking care of laundry. It even comes back folded, which I am generally against. They do a horrible job sorting socks… but I either have green socks, black socks or white socks, all the similar enough brands and generally around the same age. In the future, the post-army future, I will have white socks and dress socks further simplifying the process of dressing.
Well the people however really make the experience fun. They are always greeting you and will talk to you if you want and there is always an ambient dance-pop, or religious-pop, or some other cheesy-pop music on that makes you either dance a little with your hips, or makes you struggle to keep the vomit down… depending on your particular mood or cycle. Well, it’s just a nice few minutes each day… you actually feel like you’ve done something with your day.

I try very hard to perceive my time here as a positive thing. The money I earn will provide for my future. The skills I learn here will make me a better worker, a more productive individual. The experiences will give insight and compassion. I try very hard to keep this delusional paradigm up, and I plan to do it for as long as I am in the army. And holy smokes is it an exhausting task. Knowing that I could be studying at school, working for food, and enjoying time with the love of my life. I could be hiking the Marble Mountains with my friend, learning to surf in Santa Cruz, helping my mother out, or chilling with my brother. The infinite possibilities drown me, and tax me of energy to care about anything related to this place. Thank you stop loss.

If you have felt trapped by your life then you know exactly how I feel. In my case, my options are limited to federal criminal for life, and sticking it out to the best of my ability. I can’t quit, I can’t ask for a transfer, I can’t go on a trip, and if I complain about anything chances are I’ll get stuck with something worse. In fact, writing this is a possible sin against my employer. So, to those of you who have found yourselves caged in, lacking the feeling of growth or the right of self expression, I entirely sympathize with you and wish you the best in discovering a more appropriate path for you to follow.

In response to a comment on the previous post: BND is an educational tool helping to spread the word that a.) we are destroying everything, and b.) we are too gluttonous as a species. It isn’t really about profits or savings, and really isn’t about the social classes of society at all. It is possible to be capitalists who care about the globe, in fact capitalism works better that way because it creates more competition and allows for more innovative products. Do you think the folk who celebrate BND buy into materialism and pop-culture? If we can educate others, do you think those newly enlightened folk will just forget the next day… even those that do forget wouldn’t effect most companies profits by more than 1/1000 of a percent (thats a made up figure).

“The parasites are excited when you’re dead…
and all your thoughts… they rock!”
-Modest Mouse  I am not religious anymore. I can’t really begin to remember when I knew inside that organized/standardized religion wasn’t for me. I have some ideas however that I would like to cover in the near the future, maybe this post.

But tomorrow is Thanksgiving. That’s pretty cool, I guess, all that connection and empowerment through the means of our familial and social groupings. Holidays like Thanksgiving are perfect examples of wholesome goodness. We get back to our roots.

It is unfortunate that the entirety of the following month is dedicated to consumerism and hegemony. I suppose Thanksgiving is a root of the current all encompassing monoculture that plagues the earth now, but the ideas behind it are not. For me this is good day to remember the global society as well. How are you affecting the wars around the world, discrimination, hunger, poverty? How are you affecting the lives of the soldiers deployed, or the executive officers of a Fortune 500? Rarely do the citizens of our country reflect on such ideas. The holiday season, what with everyone being out and about and purchasing themselves some shiny new debt, is a great time to being spreading the word of minimalism and compassion.

There’s no need to fear. No one was born to shop. The future of the world is at stake. This year is a milestone in the fact that for the first time Global Warming has really hit mainstream media. Parliaments, congresses, leaders, and concerned citizens across the world have begun to listen and even concern themselves with our children’s futures. Reports have shown that a mass extinction of marine wildlife is inevitable if we continue down this path of sloth, vanity, and gluttony. The reasons for these events are numerous. The lifestyle of 1st world countries has been indicated as a prime suspect on many fronts. The poisonous chemicals that we inject into the land and air, the wanton destruction of thousands of acres of tropical forests daily, the gross devastation wrought by our need for natural resources. Suffice it to say we have failed our great provider miserably, and the consequences of our actions and inactions will haunt us for all the few remaining days of our lives.

Put aside all the scientific bullshit, say that its all lies, fine. Let us consider the spiritual consequences of our gluttony and greed. We put forth an amazing effort to acquire the goods They tell us to, to fit the mold provided to us, to work ourselves to death in the cubical cages. We do so much everyday to enslave our every thought and expression, and in the end all the games you played have played you from the start, and all those neat things you own end up owning you. How much of the world that you surround yourself within connects you with your society, or with your roots or with your culture? This brings me to Buy Nothing Day, home here. I rarely have had a chance to participate in Buy Nothing Day, though I look forward to my family and I enjoying a nice zombie-walk through a mall or a good street-party with live music and locally grown foods (followed by a healthy protest?).

Our society’s consumption is a sickness, an ailment that can be defeated by the medicine of education and understanding. Unfortunately we have destroyed the luxury of time or tact. The frank and honest truth is upon us, momentarily the world that we’ve shared will become a hell, a shell of what it once was. Your children will need sunglasses to walk outside every single day to protect them from the ever increasing radiation that our weakened atmosphere allows in; SPF 2000 won’t be a joke if you want the slightest chance to protect yourself from skin cancer. Our food will come from synthesized proteins and amino acids grown in vats thanks to the collapse of natural pollination and the morgue like oceans. Militias scavenging for food will roam the land, prominent leaders and certain people ask why I’ve lost all faith in societies Gods and religions… maybe I’ve just lost faith in humanity.  

For a more unbiased look at BND see wikipedia’s article. I think that it is an apt description of the event, though lacking in certain details that should be noted. I hate being that sort of realist/pessimist. I prefer talking about how my wife and I are going to out into the world and learn so much together, and by ourselves. I want to write professionally to motivate people to think for themselves about issues concerning the collective well being. My wife wants to study and influence efficient, environmentally practical building practices. I look forward to this future. We would like be a part of a communal family; we would like to engage in a lifestyle that is progressive and socially involved on all levels, locally, nationally, and globally. I hope and pray for this future daily, it is all that keeps me going. 

(note: Darrel wrote 1200 words today and I only wrote 800 or so… the boon of college education)

I have to say, by far, Keith Olbermann is that man.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15821138/

 I hate mainstream media. Go read an adbusters! But after you saturate yourself in something independant and wholesome, come back and read this article. Just perfect really. If you watch television I suggest his show, Countdown. It’s refreshing to know that someone isn’t afraid, and someone cares enough to say something.

 I have to go on guard instead of spend an evening with my wife.

“is getting too routine…
the crowds are catching on - to the self-inflicted song
Well, here we go again - the art of acting weak”
-”Art is Hard” by Cursive

I work on my ETS speech regularly. It is something I do to boost my spirits. ETS stands for Expiration of Term of Service. Mine is like 10 months away. Actually mine was 4 months ago. Thank you Stop Loss.

Right now, my current draft of said speech begins as such: “Few people can claim to have survived being held under water for 5 years. But we, the select few who serve this nation so proudly and with no concern for self, can honestly advertise that our amazing feet of living without the oxygen of existance that is freedom. It was a cold and desperate time in the Army, and I couldn’t have survived it without pickling my soul and brain for long periods of time by way of medicinal aid. I would like to thank Dr. Jack Daniels, and Dr. Grey Goose for their healthy prescriptions leading to occasional overdoses. If home is where the heart is well… it’s a million miles from you people. Seriously though you people are heinous and generally worthless. You arrogance paralells my own, but your intelligence and creativity never has. Enjoy what time you have left you filthy sacks of….”

I plan to be pulled from the front of the formation at this point. 5 years of anger and regret sort of boil up and spill over… I’ll probably end up being really quiet and sad that I am leaving the comfort of a frivolous consequence free existence. But there is so much anger at the whole organization. Top (not 1SG) to Bottom (not Tim).

They had ridiculously disgusting avocadoes at the Dining Facility the other day, or last week maybe… anyway they were gross. But now they have good pears, which is good.

“Wanted everything to stop that bad
And now Im a crushed credit card registered to smith
Not the name that you call me with,”
-Elliott Smith (1969-2003)

Not long ago I considered myself a liar, and I think until recently I’ve been a liar my entire life. I didn’t lie about everything, but I lied about enough things to make other people realize I had a problem with telling the truth, and I when it came to the point where I realized my lying not only made other people dislike and distrust me, but it ended up hurting people… well I knew I had to change. I tried to quit cold-turkey, but old habits are hard to break. Sometimes I catch myself lying, and I try to correct it immediately afterward. It’s hard to admit it, that I’ve lied a lot to people over the years. I lied to myself the most, but thats a bad excuse. Sometimes, in retrospect, I try to figure out why I was lying so much, what caused me to be so insecure with who I was and how I was living that I felt I had to deceive others?

It took me a long time to realize that what I really wanted was attention and acceptance. I don’t believe it was anything as complicated as a disorder, and I certainly wasn’t trying to rip anyone of or betray anyone. I had convinced myself that noone wanted to know me, regular, plain and boring me, so it was best to lie about it. So nowadays, I try to not lie and I try very hard to understand that people will either accept you for who you are or not… We have to accept that too.

 The Army imports Rip It energy drinks to their Dining Facilities. It’s awesome that you fools paying taxes send me this stuff. Last time I was here we had Red Bull… what’s up with that? I guess the cost of body bags cut the cost for more popular energy drinks. That’s fine I guess. Rip It also makes a pomegranite flavored drink… that sounds delicious, especially with Finlandia Mango flavored Vodka or something similar.

Honestly, the time I spend here is tiresome and exhausting, and I really shouldn’t complain much because so many soldiers have it horribly worse than I. I fix phones and computers while those kids are patching up their buddies amputated legs and eating shitty food that never expires. I’ve only had to endure such hardships in training. Never the real thing, and most of the time I never took any real combat training seriously, not since basic training. Everything since then has been something that most of the old goats in the army take too seriously. I did however care a lot about medicine. I think preventive medicine and trauma aid is very important. I consider dodging bullets to be preventive medicine, so I took that seriously. The old goats think combat training is like taking over enemy command posts and shit like that. I consider surviving anything the best combat training, the best survival tip I can give is this: don’t put yourself in a situation that requires you to just “survive”. That’s a little bit deep for soldiering though.

It’s not physically exhausting, I sit at a desk mostly. The most physical work that is required of me is to crawl in the ceiling for running cables and such, but those are rare occasions. Of course there is the Army physical training thing that just comes with being in the army, but thats like excercising not straining yourself. I run a bit (2 - 6 miles) every once in a while and mix it up with some sprinting. I use to lift weights, but my wife didn’t approve so now I just run and do push ups and ab excercises. Looking good naked and passing the test are what being fit is all about to me.

I am studying for the CCNA, though I swear to god if I have a career in computers I’ll throw myself in front of a train. If I can’t do something interesting everyday of my life then I don’t want to live (thankfully my wife is interesting). I just want the CCNA so I can get a job to help me pay for school, no the army GI Bill won’t pay for all my college, no where near that.

So I take care of the tasks that are before me each night and then I read the news, watch movies, write to people, to myself, or whatever it takes to pass the time so that i can go home and go to sleep.